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On the day of my final classes at Nan Da Fu Zhong I spent the morning at Nanjing University Jingling College, the school where I will be teaching next year. It was strange and sad, exciting and bittersweet. I got a taste of my year to come and I had a final opportunity to enjoy and the students and the school that I have come to love. We taught our last lessons, took lots of pictures and soon said our goodbyes. After the last class one student asked Lauren and I to write a not in her notebook and as we walked back to our office the Senior School girls were practicing a very communist-looking dance routine. When we passed, all of the girls waved at us and gave us some big smiles and I really understood what one of my students said about her classmates a few weeks ago, "We are like a bug family."
Reflections on teachings
Before I cam to China my most important goal was to become a good teacher. At the time, I was not sure what it meant to be a good teacher. I hoped to be engaging, informative, a friend and perhaps a role model.
After a year of teaching for a year, I now feel that my premise was faulty. You do not one day become a good teacher; you do not suddenly find yourself on a random day in December at the summit of your profession. Instead, my idea of a good teacher is someone who is engaging and knowledgeable but more than that my idea of a good teacher is someone who is always changing, modifying, reexamining: challenging myself at the same time that I challenge one's students.
Over the course of the year I tried to push myself to change my approach and find new, different methods in the classroom and while I have a long way to go, I think next year I will be a better teacher than I was this year. Looking back, the most memorable time I spent this year was in the classroom with the students or my time spent with students over lunch in and around school. I wrote this in an earlier report but I have also especially liked going to school and I found that to be very true in China.
When I start to plan my lessons over the summer I will approach the task with more confidence and appreciation for the difficulties and joys of the job.
Reflections on life in China
On the first day of Chinese History II in the January 2004 Professor Andrew Hsieh confidently announced that "modern Chinese history is so complex, confusing and multifaceted that you aren't going to learn shit this semester." The declaration was surprising, shocking and more than a little upsetting-"Then why am I here?"-I remember asking myself. Only now, after quite a few Chinese history classes at Grinnell and nearly one year of time in China do I truly understand the weight of Professor Hsieh's warning. Only now do I feel like I am beginning to put together the foundations of an understanding of China.
On a political level Chinese leaders often talk about "One China," the idea and the hope that China and Taiwan will one day be one country. On a practical level, the idea of "One China" is laughable. From prosperous and regal Shanghai on the sea to remote and peaceful Lijiang in the Western mountains, the country is a combination of contradictions. Professor Hsieh was right once again when he described the study of China to the layers of an onion.
I know that I have adjusted to life in China and the rhythms of a Chinese day much more than I realize. I don't think I am as polite as I was before, I don't hesitate to push in crowds and I am becoming increasingly frank in my daily interactions with people, both Chinese and American. China feels normal, in many ways China, and Nanjing in particular, feels like home. As I get ready to leave I am very content with the knowledge that I will be returning to Nanjing in a few short months. For me Nanjing is still one of the most livable places in China. It doesn't have the conveniences or culture of Shanghai or Hangzhou, the natural beauty of Yunnan and it is not pleasant like Xiamen but unlike in theses other cities, when I am in Nanjing I never forget that I am in China. Elsewhere, distracted by more n commodities or prices that remind you of New York or Washington D.C., China can at times feel like America or vaguely European. In Kunming you can find Butterfinger bars and enjoy a true American breakfast and
pretend, for a few precious and delicious minutes, that you are actually in America. In Nanjing, that is not the case and I like it that way.
To close this section I want to return to something I wrote in one of my earlier reports. Throughout my stay here in China I have noticed an imperceptible energy in Nanjing and in all of the different places I have visited. People get up early, they race about the city and it seems like everyone, from the youngest students from the oldest adults have big plans and even larger dreams. It is a feeling of vitality and lofty expectations where the hope of the future always looms large, sometimes at the expense of the present. This vitality is another reason why I chose to stay another year.
Hopes and goals
As this year comes to a close I have been thinking a lot about what I hope to accomplish outside of the classroom. Of course, continuing to improve my Chinese is still my most important goal. I am at the point now where, in almost all conversations I am involved in I know almost exactly what is going on and can participate without to much hesitation or stress. In general, I understand a lot more Chinese than I pretend to.
The other day I was watching a new program about the National College Entrance Exam, The Gao Kao, and I was surprised that I understood around 70 percent of the broadcast. Studying Chinese, or any language, involves periods of time when you are enthusiastic and eager to sit down and study and times where you just can't be bothered. Unfortunately, Chinese is one of those languages where talent or ability is not so much the issue but rather the most important factor is the discipline to put your ass in a chair and stay there.
Closely related to continuing to improve my Chinese, ext year I hope to dig deeper into Chinese society. I know this sounds confusingly vague but as a foreign teacher in China this year, I feel as though I have been kept at more than arms length from most of the things happening in China. The teachers at school and the administrators from Nanjing University, as well as are wonderful and I don't know what I would do without them but there job is to make things easier for me. I want to try to get beyond all that and get down into the complicated networks and relations that make China tick. For example, several days ago the police confiscated the stand of the man who makes dumplings outside of our building at night. Apparently, he the dumpling man has to bribe the officials 2,000 yuan a month to stay off his back but this month the residents of the neighborhood bribed the police more money to get rid out him because they thought the foreign students were being too loud on the streets at night when they were
waiting for dumplings. In short, that is the kind of thing I want to discover about next year.
Thank you
Before I can get started on all of my plans and goals for next year I want to take time to thank all of the people who have made this year.
First, to Lauren, I don't even know where to begin. You have been such an important part of this year that I can't imagine China without you. Just think of all the things we have done this year! From the Yunnan Death March, bai-jiu filled banquets and the most unforgettable Christmas party of our lives, when I think back on this year, as I am sure I will do many times in the future, I will mostly think of how wonderful it was to share this experience with you.
Next to Fang Laoshi, the women who picked us up at the airport, who helped us solve our problems and let her into her life, I can only say thank you thank you for welcoming us to Nanjing as a teacher and as a friend.
To Felix, the Prince of Nanjing, I want to say that it was great to get to know you and that I am looking forward to next year. I also want to say that I am sorry that on Friday night, I always seem to have one more excuse.
To Doug, out support back in Grinnell, I want to say thank you for all of your help and understanding throughout the year. It will be strange to be in China and not write you monthly and quarterly reports. So, don't be surprised if one sneaks into your Inbox sometime next year.
Last to Professor Andrew Hsieh, the King of Nanjing, my old advisor and the man who first got me interested in this program, I want to say thank you for you help and guidance over the years. I remember that is was in your office when I was a sophomore that I found out about this program in Nan Da Fu Zhong and my year here has its origins in your Chinese history classes.
Conclusion
I return to the States in one week and I am looking forward to seeing my family, eating cereal, drinking real orange juice and seeing the stars at night. I am hoping to travel some and drop in on friends in Washington, New York and elsewhere. For those of you have may read my reports I also want to say thank you. I hope my reports, despite my eroding English, have given you some small sense of living and teaching in China. But the old adage holds true, I can write all I want but you really have to see it for yourself. I'll be around for another year and if you can find the time and money, I would gladly take you to the best restaurant in the world, LaoDiFang, show you Purple Mountain and XianWu lake and if you are really want to experience modern China I will even take you to Fashion Lady in Xinjiekou, the circle of Hell that Dante forgot.
So, for dumpling-filled days and bai-jiu soaked nights, hop on a plane to China where the orange juice is undrinkable, the weather is lousy but where the experience is unforgettable.
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