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This last report is the space for deep reflection-my chance to look over the past 8 months, to articulate lessons learned and questions raised while simultaneously envisaging how my future has been influenced by my time in China. Unfortunately, these days, with all of the looking backward and forward, inward and outward, I tend to collapse in a dizzy heap! Thoughtful, productive, and coherent reflection of my experiences has been a tough challenge from my position on the floor as I try to regain balance under the weight of so much contemplation. In addition to all of the typical turbulence that accompanies such reflection, I feel as though summing up all of my China experiences at this point is a bit premature. Although I know that my job teaching here will be over in a few short weeks, it is not yet time to say goodbye and I know I will continue to learn and make discoveries even in these last weeks. I also plan on spending some significant time traveling more around China and Southeast Asia, putting my
actual departure off into the vague near future. So, while I am nearing the end of my time here in China, I know that I will continue learning and discovering well into the future. As Katie Michaelson said in her last report, I suspect I will be reshaping and fitting together the pieces of my experiences in China for years to come, revisiting memories and gaining fresh perspectives with each shift in my perception of my time here. I don't think that I'll ever be able to make complete and perfect conclusions, so all I can do in this last report is try my best to give a summation of my thoughts at this point.
May has started to bring a cyclical pattern to my experiences that I expect will continue until I leave China; a pattern that will help bring some sense of closure to my time here when I do leave, while instilling a strong sense that there will be so much for me to come back to again and again. I'm now in a position in which I can take pleasure in all of the things I have learned and experienced, while my impending departure has stirred up my original wonder over aspects that recently had taken on a mundane and minor position in my daily life. And I'm not only renewing the delight of discovery I felt in the beginning of my year here, I'm also still having new experiences and making new discoveries.
Over the May 1st national holiday, I hosted a friend from home whose visit was a catalyst for reviving my original wonder and providing the new experience of getting to share China with an "outsider." Not only did I get to spend time with a good friend from home-and reminisce about all of the people and things we miss from Grinnell-but Zach's visit also helped me gain a fresh perspective on my relationship with Nanjing and China. In one sense, by helping Zach navigate his way through China, discover new things, and experience a taste of a foreign culture, I've been able to take stock of how much I actually have learned about China, how much I can do, and how well I can navigate. And while I still make a lot of mistakes, I've been able to: get us around Nanjing and to other parts of China, order interesting and delicious food, introduce common customs and explain many, many confusing points of cultural difference, regurgitate what I learned almost 7months ago about tourist/historical places in Nanjing, bargai
n successfully with tough vendors, translate a little, and generally guide my friend through a sample of China and Chinese culture. And in turn, his delight at every new encounter and discovery rubbed off on me. Having someone exclaim over how green and beautiful Nanjing is (at least in most parts) has helped me shrug off the gray and grimy memories of winter and really take in the striking effects of warm weather and rain on the city. His enthusiasm over situations that have grown to annoy me, such as the constant 'hellos' and people striking up conversations to practice English, has reminded me of the times when and the reasons why I found those situations charming nuisances. Having a friend visit really helped me start to feel like I'm coming to a full circle on my time here-as I'm wrapping things up in China, I'm benefiting from how much I've seen, done, and learned, while the thrill of discovery that I had when I first arrived is being restored. I think that when my mother and brother come for a visi
t in early June, this feeling will be doubly reinforced with the addition of looking forward to when I return to the US to reconnect with family and friends there.
Another refreshing and renewing experience that I've had this semester was meeting my new little sister, Rose, and visiting her school on the outskirts of Nanjing. Rose attends a specialized boarding school that serves as the Jiangsu Provincial Drama School, where high school students from all over the province receive training in the visual arts, singing, and drama. The school has just started an "English Corner" program in which their students can practice their English with a visiting speaker. Rose came to NDFZ one afternoon madly trying to find foreign native English speakers to make an appearance that Friday afternoon. Since I don't teach on Fridays, I agreed to visit the school as an English Corner speaker. That Friday, when Rose and a teacher from the school picked me up and drove me to their campus (a 30 minute drive east of the city), I learned that I would be the first foreigner to speak at the English Corner. Since the school is so far from the city center and most of its students board there
, not many of them have an opportunity to interact with foreigners. My arrival caused a stir; as word spread that I was on campus students started popping up from around corners and peering at me from safe distances. Several "Hello, we love you!" greetings were shouted at me as I toured the campus, and I was genuinely worried that some of the girls would injure themselves in their excitement when Rose showed me around one of the girls floors in the dormitory. I was inundated with the kind of rock star attention I usually only receive while traveling in more remote parts of China. During the gathering for the English corner, the room was packed with students who were openly curious about me and asked several excited questions about my life in America and my opinions of China. For the most part, despite my efforts to speak slowly and clearly and repeat everything several times, the level of comprehension in the room was pretty low, and the principal of the school, a fluent English speaker himself, acted as
a translator. After an exhausting hour of answering questions, giving a brief lecture about the selected topic for the day, "the future," and dispensing English names to precocious students, Rose said a tearful goodbye to me, and the school van took me back to the city.
Visiting the drama school was an invigorating experience. The effusive welcome the students and staff gave me, as well as the sense I was doing something that the students around me sincerely enjoyed and that many people directly benefited from, was refreshing. While I know that I do valuable work at NDFZ, the students here have become so accustomed to seeing foreigners and interacting with them that more often than not I feel as though my class is viewed more as a burden, or an opportunity to relax and goof off, than anything else. My enthusiastic reception at the drama school renewed my impression that the presence of foreign English teachers in China isn't just a routine to be taken for granted, but a presence valued by many who are eager to engage in cultural exchange and exploration. Plus, it was also just plain nice and flattering to be adored so openly. The visit also resulted in a wonderful friendship with Rose, who tells me often that she thinks of me as sister, and eagerly shares advice and inte
resting tidbits about China with me. We communicate mostly by text message on our cell phones, since we are both so busy and live so far apart, but having her enthusiastic messages is always a bright spot in my day.
Teaching this semester has also been a combination of revisiting lessons learned and encountering new experiences. When I compare how teaching this semester has gone with teaching my first semester, I'm not only relieved that this isn't my first semester of teaching, but I also feel as though I've come a long way and am benefiting from the results of my accomplishments. The learning curve in a classroom with a new teacher is not only steep for the students, but it is also a rapid ascent for the new teacher. I would love to spend another semester or two teaching here to continue the trajectory that I have been on. Even in the last month of teaching, I have several ideas about the next steps to take with my students, and I would love to stay to continue the intense process of learning not only about teaching, but also about communication and cultural exchange. I would also love to watch my students progress even further with their communication skills.
This semester I took several clues from last semester and have improved some of the issues I struggled with last term. I decided to start off by heavily emphasizing a strict sense of expectations, even though beginning with a very rigid structure perhaps put a little more personal distance between my new students and me. In the first 2 weeks or so, I made it a point to review rules and grading systems thoroughly to help eliminate some confusion and to tighten some classroom management issues. Even though the students found this a little boring, I think it was a good choice and has paid off by the way I've had fewer behavioral problems than I encountered last semester within the classroom. I'm still having a hard time getting total cooperation on the homework front, but I've come to the conclusion that will never happen and I've tried not to battle too hard on the issue. As I have observed all year, these students have an enormous workload, and I try to design my assignments with this in mind and to give
room for forgetfulness (within reason) when students don't hand in assignments on due dates.
Also, I have attempted to use some of the aspects I struggled against last semester to my advantage this semester. I realized that often when my students are talking to each other while I'm trying to address the whole class, they are translating and helping each other with new concepts. So this semester my rule about speaking Chinese in the classroom was that students must be helping each other with our English material if they are speaking Chinese. This rule has helped cut down on a great deal of casual conversation in the class, and has helped the students whose skills are behind the others keep up with what is going on in class. And while some students rely on their classmates to translate for them to such an extent that their listening skills are not developing as rapidly as they should, I try to offset some of that effect by ensuring that each student must stand on his/her own when communicating with me. Recently, I've begun to try to speak frequently with each student individually for at least a half
minute (all I can do without devoting an entire class period to individual attention). This means that I sacrifice a little order and discipline among the students who are not within a three foot radius of me, but it has given my students the opportunity to deal with a native English speaker one-on-one with a degree of privacy. This also forces the students to take responsibility for listening to me and responding appropriately. There have been several times in which students have protested against the boredom of waiting to hear each classmate speak, but instead of giving in to the demands to appease my students and win popularity points with them, I have persisted with methods they deem "boring" but are tremendously helpful to me and help improve their speaking skills. This has been one of the hardest points for me to develop-enduring the overt displays of boredom from my students while their classmates take turns speaking to the whole class has been a challenge, but ultimately, I end up reminding myself th
at the advantages of this method outweigh my students' boredom. This semester, especially with my Senior IIs, I've emphasized that there comes a point when they have to take responsibility for their education, and that my purpose is not to entertain them but help them with their studies. This was a hard point for me to come to, because last semester I did spend a lot of energy worrying over whether my students were pleased. I've learned that pleased and engaged don't necessarily have to go hand in hand. However, I also recognize that boring students to death cannot be the most productive tactic in every lesson, and so I've also tried to balance the boredom with various activities involving creative group work and some performance-something these students don't get very often in their other classes.
While I have been vigilant about learning from mistakes, despite my best efforts I have still fallen into a few of the same traps I discovered last semester. Sometimes, my lessons run into problems when my material introduces too many new vocabulary words at once, and we spend far too much time defining words instead of exploring the concept I had hoped to use the material to introduce. And I still struggle enormously with the varying skill levels in my classes. Often students with the highest ability dominate class discussion and supply answers to students with weaker English skills. But my efforts to speak individually with each student on a regular basis have helped alleviate some of this problem. This semester has also seen a new problem crop up. While last semester I had a few students who skipped class maybe once or twice, this semester I had a few who have skipped several classes. I would advise future fellows to be very vigilant with attendance, and to nip absence patterns in the bud as soon as po
ssible. This semester I noticed that a few students had several absences, and instead of reporting it immediately to their supervising teacher I sent a warning through their classmates. While the warning worked to bring them to class for the next few weeks, later on they continued to miss lessons. I would also urge future fellows to make it absolutely clear that attendance plays a large role in the final grade, and students who miss class will have their grade affected (I thought I had made this a clear point, but perhaps these students didn't understand or care).
This year I've had the opportunity to understand education from many new perspectives. Not only was I the teacher and not a student for the first time, but I also had to confront an extremely different philosophy and approach to education than the tradition I have grown up in. The education system here thrives on fierce competition. Here, the pressure to perform well on tests that measure students against each other drives a great deal of the learning process here, and the expectations placed on students result in unrelenting schedules for both teachers and students. As I have said in an earlier report, the education system here leaves children with very little time to themselves because they are constantly functioning as students. In the face of all this, I have developed a tremendous admiration for the students who persevere and even flourish in these conditions. I will also be continually in awe of the teachers who patiently work through grueling schedules and always leave room to lend kindness and enco
uragement to students, while making efforts to help improve the education system through their own small improvisations and adjustments. In my time as a teacher, I have learned several invaluable lessons from these students and teachers that I am very grateful for and that I will carry with me.
Despite being extraordinarily busy this semester, the teachers in the English department have taken time to continue helping us with problems we have faced, and sharing their lives with us. Time and again they have demonstrated towards us the kind of concern and gentle instruction they show to their students, while welcoming us as friends and colleagues. We have been able to share many classes and meals together, exchanging language tips and telling jokes. The impending close of the school year has brought on a flurry of dinner invitations from some of our closest friends in the English department as we are all realizing that our time teaching to together will soon end. These past two weeks have really reminded me how lucky it is that we have such kind teachers in our department who are so willing to befriend us and open up their homes and lives to us. Knowing these teachers has been a vital part of teaching at NDFZ and living in Nanjing, and I feel as though I will always have friends in China.
As I've mentioned in previous reports, China is an ever evolving place that is rushing headlong into its position as a major world influence. The effect on people's lives here can be seen from day to day, in the disappearance of neighborhoods and the constant shift that goes on around this country. Just this week, a colleague invited us to tour her new apartment in a section of town that has sprung up in the past two years. At one point she was on the verge of joyful tears as she explained that it has been a dream of hers for a very long time to move her family from their one-bedroom apartment into a two bedroom apartment with a study, and now she finally has. I feel lucky to be witnessing some of the positive outcomes of all of the change and upheaval that has surrounded me for the whole year, especially since someone who is a good friend and wonderful person is enjoying the benefits. My colleague proudly pointed out the few new pieces of Western style furniture she had bought for her apartment along wi
th several pieces of Chinese furniture. China's struggle to emerge as a leading world influence and economic center is resulting in a frenetic exchange between nations eager to strengthen economic relationships with China. As I leave China, Wal-Mart and Sam's Club continue to invade, along with many other foreign companies whose influence on China will leave a definite imprint, though it remains to be seen how China will adapt these presences into its own society. Perhaps China will continue blending its influences with Western styles as my colleague has combined Western and Chinese furniture in her apartment.
The foreign community in Nanjing is something that I have relied on and valued throughout this year. As a city with a booming industrial sector, Nanjing attracts thousands of foreigners from all over the world who come to develop their companies' relationships and business ties in China. In addition to the presence of foreign companies, Nanjing University and several of the other universities in Nanjing attract many foreign students through their language, culture, and business study programs. Because of this, Nanjing has a wide network of people from all over the world who get together for friendship and cultural discourse. This community continually amazes and inspires me with the world wide perspective that each discussion holds. A large majority of the foreigners I've met in Nanjing have a keen awareness of the developing world environment, and a variety of perspectives are usually brought into each conversation as everyone contributes their perception of the global community, China, and China's rela
tionship with the rest of the world. Since China's relationship with the world is blossoming at a tremendous rate, and I hope that everyone will take the time to appreciate what we are learning about each other as the global community develops into an ever increasing web of interdependency and exchange. I have to echo and support Justin's statement in his last report last year that America would benefit immeasurably if more Americans could experience life abroad and what it means to live in a true global exchange. Within the foreign community of Nanjing, people from all over the world come and go, opening up fresh perspectives and influencing the overall cultural exchange between China and the rest of the world. My awareness of the world around me, and of outside perceptions of America, has never been as thoroughly engaged as it is when I am abroad, and in Nanjing this awareness is becoming even more fine-tuned. I wish that everyone can experience this kind of exchange for themselves. I can only hope that
I will be able to bring some of the awareness and understanding that is present in the global community back with me to the US.
Whenever I think about all of things I've missed about home (personal space! easy navigation of appliances and infrastructure! reasonable decibel levels!) I inevitably begin thinking about all of the things I will miss about China. As my language skills continue to develop, I am already lamenting all of the opportunities I will miss out on to continue learning and communicating in Chinese. I know that my elbows will itch to help me jostle through any crowds that I encounter when I return, and my first impulse in stores will be to begin bargaining loudly and passionately. I already anticipate simply walking ten feet from my front door when I am hungry and expecting to have a hot snack of delicious dumplings or barbequed squid waiting for me, only to be disappointed. And I can foresee many near-death experiences as I walk out into the middle of busy roads, expecting traffic to simply swerve around me. I will miss the unique environment of a foreign language classroom and all of the lessons about the nature o
f communication exchanged between my students, me, and the other teachers at school. And even though I've said that I look forward to having personal space again, I know that I will long for the open curiosity and willingness to intercede on my behalf of the people around me. As I said in my last report, I think that I could easily spend a lifetime exploring China and Chinese culture without even noticing a lifetime has passed. When I begin to think about all I have left to discover, my strongest wish is to be given another lifetime or two to do just that.
I know that my future will always include China in some manner, whether through another extended stay, brief visits, or just through the memories and lessons I will take with me when I leave. While I'm not yet ready to leave China, or to say goodbye, I will say that I look forward to coming back to the States and catching up with my family and friends. I'll see all of you at the end of the summer! I also want to wish Julia and Lara good luck next year. You both have an amazing and unforgettable experience ahead of you-relish all of the frustrations and triumphs for what they are, and keep us updated on your progress. In addition, as I look forward to returning home, I realize that this year would have been a much more arduous experience without all of the support I received from family and friends at home. All of the phone calls, emails, and letters have been invaluable to me. Thanks to everyone from home who has given me so much support through all of my adventures and misadventures. I'd also like to o
nce again take an opportunity to express my gratitude to Grinnell and to the fellowship committee for providing such an amazing program in which so many generations of Grinnellians and Nanjing Ren have benefited from a wealth of cultural communications and exchange, me included. As the twentieth anniversary of this program approaches, I hope that we can all celebrate and honor the amazing relationship between our two communities in some capacity, and share some of the benefits with the world. And last, but not least, I want to thank Justin, who has enriched my experience here well beyond imagination by so generously sharing his knowledge and friendship with me. Thanks!
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