There's a section that appears in a weekly supplement to my hometown newspaper entitled "Say That Again," which contains emblematic quotes from the week's social and politic discourse. The quotes are followed by a brief summary that places the passage within the context of the community. Thus, to display what I've been up to for the last few months, I've created my own "Say That Again" section flavored by my experiences. A few qualifiers: Ideally, I would have begun copying quotes the day after I completed my first report, but alas I did not. Therefore, at the risk of sacrificing my journalistic integrity, the quotes provided are best estimations that attempt to summarize the essence of what was stated in the most accurate manner that memory (my memory) will provide. Also, for the sake of honoring confidentiality no names will be used.
"Say That Again": The Quarter in Review
"The staff is really like family - a dysfunctional family at the moment, but family nonetheless."
I would concur with my co-worker that commented on the familial dynamic that exists within the office. The analogy speaks to the need for compassion, patience, trust and faith among the staff in order for the organization to operate effectively and efficiently. Furthermore, I believe that intimate and personal nature of our jobs aptly lends itself to this comparison. The analogy also addresses the challenges that arise when clear lines of communication deteriorate. At the time when this remark was made I didn't feel much like being a part of the family - I wanted a divorce, really. Yet, we all have a collective responsibility and it is when we claim responsibility that problems are solved and the group becomes closer. In a similar vein, I am learning that adversity can prove to be a strong catalyst for growth.
"I'm really glad this group exists. I think there's a definite need out there. I know it's a healthy choice for me."
This observation was made at the closing portion of our first "Safe Space Support Group;" a weekly meeting that I facilitate with Nancy Gause. The group's goal is to provide a safe and confidential space for people to discuss issues related to domestic violence and sexual assault. The person's comment spoke to me on many levels. For one, after weeks of planning and logistical snags, the group was up and running. Accordingly, on a base level I was content with the knowledge that we were up and functional. Establishing such a group is demonstrative of my first real foray into the world of organizing. I find myself constantly muddling over questions such as, what constitutes effective organizing? Do people actually take the time to read flyers hanging in the loggia and on the street or are they just a haze of color and words? What is the best way to recruit membership for a group that prizes confidentiality and delves into a stigmatized realm?
Only two people came to the first meeting, but I deemed it to be a success based on the reactions of those in attendance. I've changed my definitions of success lately. For purposes of ego, part of me wanted the room to be packed on the first night. However, as I mentioned, only two people came, but I still consider the project to be a success even if membership doesn't grow beyond the original numbers. The group is a success because the needs of two people are being met and that's important.
"Why don't you guys wait up before I make you suck my big black cock?"
This comment was made by an educated white man; a person who should "know better" and probably does while walking between classes or chatting with friends in Burling Library. However, in the setting of the situation he deemed it safe to make such a remark. We all have racist and sexist thoughts, but often we censor those thoughts because we are "wise" enough not to express them. Thus, in some senses I respect this man's blatant disregard for the social milieu. At least when one is overtly racist and/or sexist there is potentially space for education and understanding. Whereas, for those of us who "know better" than to make such comments there is never space to challenge belief systems that perpetuate oppression through privilege.
It is also of interest to note that the author of this comment was challenged by his peers for making a racist remark, but the homophobic element was never addressed. I am quickly coming to comprehend that sexism is one of the most ingrained forms of repression and is continually affirmed and perpetuated through behaviors and beliefs that minimize the impact of language. For, it is commonplace for individuals to flippantly toss around homophobic and sexist slurs without being conscious of their impact. As I become more cognizant of how both I and others support both actively and passively acts of sexism, a sense of weighty awareness descends.
"Would you like to trade places?"
The waitress posed this proposition with a weary tone while refilling my coffee. She glanced at me briefly; her eyes looked tired, but contained a distant sparkle. I was initially critical of her service when she dropped a tangle of silverware and napkins on the table many minutes after the food had arrived. Her query altered my judgment. Logistics aside, what would it mean to switch places? Despite sharing the same physical space, I'd wager our perspectives on life at 11 a.m. on a Sunday morning were somewhat different, to say the least.
The momentary interchange with the waitress conjured thoughts pertaining to boundaries, both constructed and projected, that stifle communication. Domestic violence and sexual assault persist in silence that enables detrimental belief systems to become normalized. Therefore, I often grapple with the question of how to open avenues of dialogue for an issue that many folks are hesitant to fully acknowledge. Sometimes personal ambivalence is a barrier to dialogue and at other times external resistance suppresses discourse. However, as demonstrated by the waitress, preliminary feelings of anger can be replaced with compassion. The potential is always present.
