As I write this last quarterly report, the pace at MICA's Poweshiek County Family Development (PCFD) Office has slowed down. It is hot and humid outside, the musty smell that greets me as I walk down the stairs to our basement office is back, the farmers' market is going on at full force once again on Thursdays outside of our Vets' Memorial Building - Summer is upon us, and my year as a Grinnell Corps Fellow draws to a close.
It has been a year full of unexpectedness and surprises, both personal and professional, and I find writing this report a fitting way to share what I've experienced in this past year. Nonetheless, as always, as I start and attempt to finish this, my last quarterly report, I am anxious that the words that I come up with will be insufficient to communicate precisely and completely what I want to relate to you, readers of my reports who range from family members to friends and profs, possible future Grinnell Corps Fellows and random people perusing the Office of Social Commitment website. But if it's one thing I've come to learn and act on this past year, it's in realizing that life's not perfect and you just gotta do what you gotta do when you gotta do it. There's a quote from Maya Angelou at the bottom of one of the pages from the journal that we (Grinnell Corps Fellows) received at our send-off last year that I've pasted on my bathroom mirror. It says "Ain't nothin' to it but to do it." And so, do I will.
Just the other morning, I was chatting with the grandfather of one of the children attending Head Start, and he asked me: "So tell me, do you like our country?" - and while my mind was furiously working out how to answer such a general question, he answered himself with a "Well you must - you've stayed an extra year!". His question lingered in my mind, and since then my fully formed answer would've started with "Yes, I do like your country very much indeed" and would've continued with a "butâ¦"
Coming to the US from Malaysia, an "almost industrialized" developing nation, I quickly realized that the US is indeed a land of opportunity where great things can happen. But over my four years as a Grinnell College student, and especially during this last year as a Grinnell Corps Fellow, I have come to recognize that in this land of vast opportunity, there exists poverty and social inequality, just like everywhere else in the world. What's surprised me the most maybe, has been how easy it is to be oblivious to the poverty existent in the town of Grinnell itself, not to mention other small towns in Poweshiek County. Indeed, it was easy while being a student ensconced within the unofficial 'boundaries' of college-land between 6th - 10th Avenue and East - Park Street. I have tremendous respect for the student volunteers that we've had at MICA who've impressed not only by their responsibility, enthusiasm and proactiveness, but also with their amazing time-management skills to be able to the spend time volunteering in addition to being full-time students. I'm hollering at y'all Alison, Kirsten, Molly, Jane, Patrick, & LaTona! (Unsurprisingly, one of our volunteers, Jane, is the Grinnell Corps Fellow for 2006/07, rock!)
That said, through working with MICA I've learned a lot this year about the programs available through the 'support' systems set up for low-income people and families from the Head Start program to WIC to Heating Assistance etc. I've also been witness to the generosity of the Poweshiek County community, Grinnell in particular, through their contributions and involvement towards meeting the needs of their fellow community members and in creating awareness.
However, as the year progressed and my knowledge base and experience with these programs and the people they are intended to serve grew, I have found myself asking to what extent these programs truly help the people they are intended for. There are questions that I do not have the answers to that I now think about. Why does poverty still exist? Why do some people break out of it, why do others not and pass it on to the next generation? Why does it exist in the middle of Iowa? Are these programs truly helping people become self-sufficient or are they causing them to learn to rely on the services provided instead? Will an increase in minimum wage truly help ameliorate the lives of the working poor, or will it not? It is just all about choices that people make or is it not?
To a lot of these questions, I have no answers, and indeed, for each person/family, so I've learnt, there is a different story with a different path leading them to where they are today. I did, however, (one of the perks of still being in Grinnell) get the chance to take a class over the lunch hour during the spring semester with Prof. Katya Gibel Azoulay and 5 other senior Anthropology majors. And you might wonder just how an Anthropology class over the lunch hour ties in with this⦠well, through that class I was made aware of the concept of "cultural capital" - a term introduced by Pierre Bourdieu, that basically, certain cultural assets such as knowledge, ways of thinking, skills etc. that can either put someone at an advantage or disadvantage in their societal status are inherited. Not everybody starts out with the same amount of cultural capital.
For example, if two separate families were to come to MICA for help with resolving unpaid utility bill upwards of $1,000 (I'm not kidding with the figures) - they would surely have different narratives/chains of events leading to the situation, and while we 1) are not supposed to judge and 2) encourage the family to take responsibility and help be part of the solution I personally, would be more likely to go out of my way to help the family that goes about being polite and honest as opposed to if another family were to be rude, and demanding and not accepting responsibility. And yes, I know, we're not supposed to judge, but there is cultural capital at work, in addition to there being a line as to how much helping someone is truly helping them or whether it is a misuse of resources that could be used to help other "more worthy" families. And yes, we say that people are free to make choices, but this leads me to another realization, that everything is political. Those choices that people are allowed to make, they are governed by what is preferable or not so preferable by society's standards, some of which change from time to time, and other not. I want to share an except from the end of a quartet of books that I ploughed through this year (ironically, it's set in Indonesia, a region close to home) when the protagonist is finally released from prison and is asked to sign a document stating that he will not participate in any political activity at all. While the circumstances are different (colonial Indonesia versus Grinnell in 2006, say what?) I think it holds true regardless of which part of the world one is in.
This is what Minke's character from "House of Glass" says:
"From the time of the Prophet until today," he lowered his voice, "no human being has ever been able to separate himself from the power of his fellow human beings, except those who have been shunted away because they were insane. Even those who become hermits, who take themselves away into the middle of the forest or the ocean, still take with them something of the influence of their fellow human beings. And while there are those who rule and those who are ruled, those who exercise power and those who are the objects of that exercise of power, people will be involved in politics."
I've also had the chance to indulge in reading a lot and watching movies too (such a luxury!) - and some of them have challenged my thinking in relation to my fellowship experience. Here are the titles of just a few of them: books - The Invisible Heart, Freakonomics, The Buru Quartet, films - The Girl in the Cafй, The Constant Gardener, Sociology is a Martial Art.
I've been made aware of the numerous faces of poverty this past year, both figuratively and literally. I've learned that 'poverty', the umbrella term to describe a mostly financially determined situation that one finds oneself it has many roots (mental health, educational opportunities or lack thereof, geographical location, luck, determination etc), and that each individual who finds themselves in it has different ways and means to get out of it, or not. And like I mentioned in one of my earlier reports, I now can walk into almost any establishment in Grinnell (no kidding), and will be able to identify at least one person (again, am not kidding) that I've served through MICA.
Meeting women/girls my own age or younger who are mothers already, sometimes of multiple children, has made me question and reevaluate my thoughts on motherhood, family planning and responsibility among many other things. I have learnt through these young mothers lessons that I probably wouldn't have thought about. I've also been witness to the dignity shown by many an elderly person living on a fixed income. Talking with some of them and listening to their stories has made me wonder about whether there's really any "fairness" or "justice" in lifeâ¦I mean, if you've worked your whole life, held a decent job, maybe even served in the military, shouldn't you not have to worry about how you're going to pay your next heating bill, or how you're going to afford the medication you need for your health when you've retired?
After living (rather well) for a year on a stipend, I've experienced what I imagine must only be a pinch of what it must be like to have to account for where every dollar is going and figuring out how one is going to pay the bills for next month when income is uncertain. And while I still believe that money doesn't buy 'happiness' or that accumulating it is the ultimate goal to strive for, I am convinced of the ease of mind and expansion of choices that having enough money can provide a person or a family.
On a more personal note spending my first year post-grad still in Grinnell has been a ball. It has had its advantages and difficulties. I didn't have to find out street names and figure out where the bank was located, or the local grocery store, at the end of each work day, I've been lucky enough to get to home to a real home, where I live with Doug and Dixie, my host parents from the first day I arrived in Grinnell (also the most awesome host parents ever!) - I even knew where the pub and community pool were, so I kind of knew where to go to entertain myself. But with all my close friends gone, scattered across the country and some on other continents, and having a new and very different role participating in the Grinnell community, it was very much like starting over in a different place in many ways.
I've made some amazing friends (townsfolk and folks associated with Grinnell College that I wouldn't have gotten the chance to know had I left when I graduated), I've just about tried all the sandwiches there are to try on the board at the Back Alley Deli, just the other night I learned how to do the Cotton Eye Joe dance in a barn, been to the drive-in movie theatre over at Newton twice in the spring, gotten a ticket for fishing without a permit at the Jacob Krumm Preserve (I was guilty of ignorance of the law), raised a fat cat, found a professional role-model - someone whom I'd like to emulate when I grow up, * ahem *, find myself in a professional arena again is what I meant to say (yes, that's you Paula!), gone 50 weeks (out of 52) without locking myself out of my host parents' house, bought and sold a truck, gotten into grad school, discovered the amazing fishpond at The Mayflower, and baked rhubarb crisp with rhubarb straight out of our backyard.
Arriving at the Des Moines airport in August of 2001, I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would end up spending 5 years in Grinnell - and end up truly calling it my home away from home. I remember accepting this fellowship with more than just a little trepidation, and now a year later, I have all these new experiences (some frustrating, other infinitely uplifting), insights (some good and others not so positive) about human nature and so many(!) questions that have no answers. There is one question that I have the answer to though. When I reflect on whether I would rather not have these seemingly unanswerable and unsolvable questions and situations to bug me as a result of my fellowship experience this year the answer is definitely NO. I started off this fellowship thinking that I would "give" of myself to MICA and Grinnell (I was a typical fresh graduate then! Now I am maybe a little more seasonedâ¦) - instead, at the end of this year, I must say that I have taken from this experience so much more that I have been capable to giving. I know better now what I want to pursue, what questions I want to find the answers to, or at least, attempt more to seek.
By the time this report gets posted, I will probably be already home in Penang, Malaysia, to spend a year at home with my family, relearning being Malaysian, and continuing to seek the answers to the questions this past year has brought up for me.
There are numerous people to thank for all the amazing blessings I've received this past year, so I won't go ahead and name everyone (for I will surely miss out someone!) but you all know who you are who've made this year a meaningful, growthful and constantly surprising one for me, so I thank you all with gratitude. It has been a privilege to serve and be a part of this special community that is, as a friend put most eloquently recently, "in the middle of everywhere".
